Joy to Spare

I realized today that I know myself better because I have kids. Without them, I might not have ever learned... ...how much I can talk. I never knew an introvert could spend so much of the day talking. Answering questions. Correcting. Explaining. Singing. Teaching. ...that I'm more like my mom than I thought. Those boys bring out the silly in me that I didn't think I'd inherited. ...how much anger I am capable of. I have never been angrier than they can make me. And they're not even teens yet! Having children can indeed help you "find yourself." And when I've "found myself" in over my head, that's where God comes in. The most important thing I've learned about myself by having kids is how helpless I am to get it right without God leading the way in every detail. A frequent refrain for me is "Lord, I'm out. You take over." And time after time, He does.

Tonight I'm taking dinner for a couple with a new baby. Looking at their food preferences/dislikes list, the only recipe I was sure would go over well was vegetable lasagne. Hey! Great! We love lasagne, and veggies... I'll make a triple batch and freeze one. Save time and effort. Delicious, healthy and efficient. Reality check: Delicious, yes. Healthy, yes. Efficient.... no. What I had not prepared for was that this project would dirty every dish we own, create a monster mess, and use up the entire morning. I mean, the ENTIRE morning. Just ask the boys. I spent the first half hour figuring out how to use the slicing feature of the 40-year-old KitchenAid mixer. It took me this long because Little Bro, who is teething again, bawled on and off for three hours, and my brain works at quarter-speed if someone is crying. Many of the dishes involved were not used for cooking, but as entertainment for my neglected children. At one point I turned on PBS to babysit (and we never watch TV

The past few days have been rough. Daddy's minor procedure Thursday led to a major ordeal after a complication, Urgent Care, another complication, more Urgent Care, and now a hospital stay. Add to the mix two tiny people to comfort, entertain, and continually reassure that Daddy will indeed hold and wrestle with them again someday, and... well, it's been rough. Friends and family have stepped in big-time. I actually got flowers for Mother's Day yesterday, despite a miserable-in-bed husband and children too little to know about it! (although Rawr-rawr the teddy bear did wish me Happy Mother's Day this morning - only a day late.) These are the times I feel closest to my Abba, when I most feel the need for Him. He comforts me like no one else can. He cradles my spirit under His wings. I've got peace like a river, love like an ocean, and joy like a fountain in my soul. Yes, even joy. Even now. This is my prayer for my husband as well. Pray with me that his body and spi