Joy to Spare

Hints on Child Training (Clay Trumbull, written in 1891) I highly recommend this one! Here's what I can remember and thought was helpful: Do not yell, threaten, nag, whine, or even scold. Ever. Use a gentle voice, always. Control yourself. (Wow. Easier said than done, but great advice. The other day, I found myself begging Little Bro not to wet his pants anymore. I'll bet you can guess how effective that was!) Do not allow your child to win with "teasing," meaning whining or begging. Even if it's something you want to do for them or were planning to, never give them something after they've whined for it. Whining will stop when it stops working. Giving children everything they want is a really bad idea. Also, if you ARE going to let them have something, let them want it for a while BEFORE giving it to them or helping them save up for it (i.e. a bicycle, guitar, car) so they actually appreciate it. Practical ideas for making special days (like Christmas and the ...

I started to write my next parenting book review and ended up on this tangent. It's long enough in itself. My next book (Hints on Child Training, by H. Clay Trumbull) has a chapter on Training a Child to Self-control: such as, if he gets hurt, don't let him scream and cry as long as he wants. This seems to go directly against the popular fear of suppressing emotions, but children desperately need to be helped to control (not suppress) their emotions and reactions. And here is the tangent. Children need to be helped to view life in a way that helps them to have more "correct" emotional reactions. A couple days ago, I realized I have to pay $340 for a traffic ticket I got for turning left onto a quiet street because supposedly there is a tiny sign that I never saw saying I couldn't turn left there between 8:15 and 8:25 a.m. or some such nonsense. And I did feel angry. For a minute. Maybe a little longer. Maybe every time I allow myself to dwell on it. $340? For a si...

I've read LOTS of parenting books. Some are conceptual (what, why). Some are practical (how). Most are a mix. Most books have some ideas that are helpful to me and some ideas that are not. A lot of it depends on the parent, the child, and the dynamic between them. Here's the first of my favorites (more to follow): How to Really Love Your Child (Ross Campbell, M.D.) This book helps build a solid, loving foundation in your relationship with your child. We all love our children, but don't always understand how to show our love in a way they can perceive. Children perceive love in these ways: Physical touch. Hugs. Wrestling. Patting their arm. Tousling their hair. Eye contact when talking or listening to them. Focused attention. Spend time interacting with them as often as possible. Discipline them consistently. (Discipline is not the same as punishment. It means teaching, training. Punishment should be only a small part of discipline, or even not at all.)